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� I know love and I know loss. I believe that everyone has a soul mate. Yes, there are others you will love but there is only (�I believe) one soul mate. Mine has come and gone. It hurts every day of every moment of my life. The worst days are days like this. The days that you feel it in everything you do. Everything you hear or see reminds you of them. Every breath you take makes you want to scream and your eyes hurt from the millions of tears you have shed. You can almost feel them there with you, holding you, smiling... you can almost feel their gentle touch. The worst thing is that you want to stay in this miserable moment all day just so you can be there with them once more. Then you realize that you must come back to your present reality, the one with your new love that is always there for you. You can't be in this state when they get home. The hard part is to pull yourself together and say good-bye to those cherished memories once again until that horrible day comes that�tortures you�all over again.

Im going to walk away,

No longer listing to what you say...

You hurt me deep down inside

when you left me by the roadside...

All your memories forgotten,

Pushed far away to�that distant beacon...

So now I go,

Leaving nothing behinde but sorrow...

-Sportygirl15

After 4 days of muscle recuperation and rest I'm back at it.� Sculpt routine this a.m. and coming up on morning snack time.� Weight this a.m. 215.� Still not seeing any real dramatic changes especially on the scale but have bound myself to keep at it relentlessly until I attain the body I am seeking to have.

to answer that question, i dont really know what i take for granted. i mean i work for everything i have and i love all of the things i earned and all the things that� were gifts from friends and family. like my ipod (i paid for that) and then my guitar, which was a gift from my�dad. and then my cell phone, i earn that by babysitting my four younger siblings and working lot around the house, keeping it clean(trying) and�also working outside with my dad and�my brother.

i use to�think i took my friends for granted but then i realized that i really need them and that theyre there for me. and i want them to know that im here for them�too. like when one of my best friends really need someone and me knowing i can trust my mom, told her�my bffs situation and momma helped bff.

okay that was kind of weird but very true�

The glass has shattered,

My soul now battered...

Theres no way out,

Dark figures lurk about...

All I�hear are their screams...

Knowing all to well there ment for me...

The sun has disappeard,

No longer able to hides its fear...

I dont know what went wrong,

And yet I�did all along...

You took away my dreams,

Ending my voyage to recovery...

I�feel like Im doped up on novacaine, speed? crystal maybe? Not that I would know. All I�know is that I feel numb. Numb right down to the core. Its as if my world is spinning out of control... Dont you ever wonder what it would feel like to be "happy" (high?) just to be able to float away for a little while�and forget about everthing?�

One of these days Im going to completely lose it. My friends already say Im crazy, but they have'nt seen crazy not yet... Im so tired of fighting the baattle inside my head. Its gone on far to long. I�want to forget, but then I�forget to forget. I've dropped hints before that I�need help. Except theres one tiny problem that you forgot to factor in, you ready for it?? No one can help, at least thats how I�feel, because this is battle I'll have to fight on my own whether or not I�like it.

I want to be bad, just for a sec, I�swear. I�want to know what it would feel like. Is it as fun as its made out to be?? Yes? no? I�want to go to parties, oh wait! cant!! Why? well theres two problems: 1. I�never seem to get invited, anywhere!!! 2. My rents are total control freaks. Hey dont you think it would be fun to T-P someones house? This one person I�know..... Anyways, lol. Well Im through babbling for now. Tootles!

p.s. do you by chance know where I can get cheap toilet paper??

p.s.s. I kidding, really I�am! well maybe...